Our neighbours affectionately call our 3 bed townhouse in Bedfordshire “The Farm”. On the edge of a nature reserve, in a quiet cul-de-sac, it is my little piece of rural life.
Since we moved into our grown up house, our little family has expanded rapidly. From myself (28) and my husband (28), we have added an FIV+ cat, a spaniel, 5 rats, fish, 2 chickens and most recently another spaniel. Next door’s 5 year old thinks we are brilliant fun, her parents think we are mad, although are fantastic at helping out when we need it.
But there was something missing, broodiness hit me like a train and the need to be a mummy was ever growing. After our trip of a lifetime, volunteering in South Africa, we agreed for me to come off the pill.
I think my husband, despite all his medical training, was convinced we would fall straight away. I guess as teenagers and through uni, you have it pounded into you that unprotected sex leads to babies. We spend all our early adult life trying so hard to avoid unwanted pregnancy. Who knew it was actually so hard!!
Women are a strange physiological being. When you want a baby, every month you dread your period coming, and when that disappointment hits, it’s also when you’re at your most hormonal and sensitive. Not the best mix!
I remember one month, we had been having a rough time. My husband lost his grandmother and the family, knowing we were trying, kept saying “come on your two, we really need some good news”. Pressure piled on and on! I was queuing in morrisons behind a lady with a newborn. “Oh yeah”, she said, “we didn’t even want her, I just came off my pill and fell that month”. Heart sinking, tearing up, I cried in that morrisons queue. Why weren’t we falling when people who didn’t even want children were. We had love ready and waiting, bursting at the seams for a child to join our little farm!
When you’re trying there are two ways, tell people, or don’t. We went with telling people as it’s worse to be asked “why haven’t you got children yet?”, than “how’s it going?”. And we got asked a lot why we had none. We got married the same day as Prince William and Kate, they are currently heavily pregnant with heir number 2. People always compare us to them for that reason.
So we told people. The worst thing about telling people….their wise words!
“Relax, it won’t happen if you think about it!”
“If you worry about it you won’t get pregnant”
“Thinking about it will stop you getting pregnant”.
That’s the worst one, essential what you’re saying there is that I am some how stopping myself becoming pregnant by thinking about it. It’s actually my fault.
My husband works shifts, he is a paramedic and very proud of him I am too! But it meant that I had to do ovulation tests to make sure I knew when it was happening, otherwise we would likely miss ‘the event’. Many people told me that the act of doing tests reduced my chances….clinically absolute rubbish! If fact, ovulation tests increase the chances. Grrr!!
9 months and a lot of tears later, still no baby. I know in the grand scheme of things, 9 months isn’t long and we are lucky. But it felt like forever!
I was advised by several people to try acupuncture, I was incredibly skeptical but by now felt I had nothing to lose. I met with Amanda from ‘The Therapy Hub’ in Dunstable. She is also a physio and was very clinical, not airy fairy, which put me at ease. She took a long history and worked out lots about me without me telling her. Eventually I lay on the bed and she began inserting needles. I was nervous as I really don’t like needles, but it didn’t hurt at all and I quickly relaxed. Calm washed over me. She then put needles in over my ovaries. How strange, on the left I felt nothing. But under the right needle I experience the sensation of a pingpong ball sized lump, inside me. “I bet you ovulate from that side this month” Amanda said.
Skeptical and scientific as we are, my husband and I were at the end of our tether, so took all she said on board. After ‘The Event’, we would prop my bum up on pillows, tilting back and down to the right to give it the chance to swim in the right direction.
Last week I had a dream, so vivid it was incredible. Sadly now most of it had faded as dream trickery does, but I remember we were on a boat. I was doing a pregnancy test and it was positive.
It was so so vivid that in the morning I decided to test. I had some cheap dipsticks I got free with my ‘conceive plus’ fertility lube. I’d done loads before as I was a bit testing obsessed but had never had a sniff of a line. Plus it was still 2 days until my period was due!
But a faint line was there, so faint, was it trickery of my eyes? I took a photo and posted it on the Netmums forum. Yes, people agreed, it looked like a faint positive. “I don’t trust those tests”, one lady said, ” they can give evaporation lines”. Ok I thought, law of averages. 4 can’t be wrong. So 4 tests I did…all with a faint line.
Crashing into the bedroom, I woke my sleepy, night shift husband!! They’re positive!!!! He was excited but the line was so pale I wasn’t convinced he could quite believe them!
A stressful day followed. I had the CEO of my uk company and the CEO of the whole of Europe visiting today. The responsibility was on me, even though I’m a lowly rep. Bottom of the pack, but neither my boss, or her boss could support me! So there followed a day trying to concentrate on these two very important men, when all I could think of was little pink lines and babies!!
Finally, I dropped them back at the office, I got away with seeming engaging and interested, regardless of where my mashed up brain was really floating to.
On my way home, I bought a Clearblue 2 pack and did the non digital one the moment I walked through the door! No 3 minute wait for me! The positive line came up instantly and I burst into tears! Pictures were sent to my husband, now on his ambulance and I got a screaming excited phone call instantly. His crewmate said I was like having an excited child in the ambulance!
Next morning, I took a Clearblue digital to confirm it! “Pregnant 1-2 weeks”!!!!! Agggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!
I’ve done a total of 8 tests now and am 4+6 weeks today! I’ll leave it there for now, but tomorrow will catch you up on the last week in our new journey into pregnancy.